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It would not be an RSA Conference without buzzwords. Let’s check out the buzziest of the buzzwords for 2017.

AI (Artificial Intelligence): Virtual employees we can work to death, who will then work to put us all to death.

Automation: Finally, technology that will put us all out of work. Oh wait, that’s bad. But it comes with free frozen yogurt, that’s good. The yogurt is cursed, that’s bad.

Behavior: Do as McAfee says, not as they do.

Blockchain: A potent type of weed that Erlich Bachman smokes on Silicon Valley.

Business-Driven Security: A new approach to incident management that uncovers advanced persistent sources of income for Dell.

Chaos: We know chaos, we have the best chaos in the world, truly remarkable chaos, huge, the finest, most supreme chaos there is, hand-picked from my personal collection of chaotic lunacy. Sad.

Cloud Native: Built exclusively for venture capital investment.

Contextualization: Understanding the complex and volatile set of data that explains why the SIEM you bought is a waste of money.

CrowdStrike: Did those big meanies at NSS Labs make you look bad? Do you need a safe space?

Crypto Ransomware: Given the choice between the two of you, I’d take the seasick crocodile.

Deception: This is not the vulns you are looking for. Move along.

DevSecOps: a hip new pub where Millennials hang out and talk about what they should be doing.

Fabric: Something you can stretch over your artificial intelligence and stain it with machine learning until it rips open to expose your blockchain.

IoT: UoT! We all OT, so FOAD.

Kill Chain: The sequence of events that gets you fired.

Machine Learning: Another way to say “it’s all magic.”

Managed Detection and Response (MDR): Engaging a third party to hunt through your environment and discover how lazy your IT people really are.

Orchestration: Come together, right now, over me.

Shifting Left: Let’s make code great again.

Systemization: Something that costs you $295 an hour.

Threat Intelligence: Incoherent ranting on Twitter.

Verticalization: Lifting up people so they are so specialized, their opinions no longer matter.

Weaponization: Something that costs nothing, except your soul.