It would not be an RSA Conference without buzzwords. Let’s check out the buzziest of the buzzwords for 2017

AI (Artificial Intelligence): Virtual employees we can work to death, who will then work to put us all to death.

Automation:  Finally, technology that will put us all out of work. Oh wait, that’s bad. But it comes with a free frozen yogurt, that’s good. The yogurt is cursed, that’s bad.

Behavior: Do as McAfee says, not as they do.

Blockchain: A potent type of weed that Erlich Bachman smokes on Silicon Valley.

Business-Driven Security: A new approach to incident management that uncovers advanced persistent sources of income for Dell.

Chaos: We know chaos, we have the best chaos in the world, truly remarkable chaos, huge, the finest, most supreme chaos there is, hand picked from my personal collection of chaotic lunacy. Sad.

Cloud Native: Built exclusively for venture capital investment.

Contextualization: Understanding the complex and volatile set of data that explains why the SIEM you bought is a waste of money.

CrowdStrike: Did those big meanies at NSS Labs make you look bad? Do you need a safe space?

Crypto Ransomware: Given the choice between the two of you, I’d take the sea sick crocodile.

Deception: This is not the vulns you are looking for. Move along.

DevSecOps: a hip new pub where Millennials hang out and talk about what they should be doing.

Fabric: Something you can stretch over your artificial intelligence and stain it with machine learning until it rips open to expose your blockchain.

IoT: UoT! We all OT, so FOAD.

Kill Chain: The sequence of events that gets you fired.

Machine Learning: Another way to say “it’s all magic.”

Managed Detection and Response (MDR): Engaging a third party to hunt through your environment and discover how lazy your IT people really are.

Orchestration: Come together, right now, over me.

Shifting Left: Let’s make code great again.

Systemization: Something that costs you $295 an hour.

Threat Intelligence: Incoherent ranting on Twitter.

Verticalization:  Lifting up people so they are so specialized, their opinions no longer matter.

Weaponization: Something that costs nothing, except your soul.

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